The fawn and I

Last night, Patrick, our friend, Jim, and I attended an elections results party. It was an exciting night, filled with lots of great people who are active on the Obama campaign. Around 9:30pm, the kids called whining and complaining about one another so Patrick and I decided to leave and save our poor babysitter from their terror.

On the way home, we saw a fawn in the middle of the road jerking around. It had been hit by a car and its legs were bleeding. We pulled over quickly and Patrick and I ran over to the fawn. Traffic around us stopped and a man pulled over, admitting he had just hit the animal accidentally. The fawn's front leg had been hit severely and the bone was exposed. The bottom part of its leg was dangling, and the other leg was bleeding but still intact. Patrick and I lifted up the young animal and put her (I think a her) in the back of our wagon to take to the local animal hospital. At first, the fawn jerked around in the car, but I put my arm gently on her and rubbed her like one of my dogs and she quickly calmed down.

Patrick raced the car down the highway with his emergency flashers on. He had the windows rolled down so she wouldn't feel confined. As I stroked the animal, I promised her we would take care of her and get her fixed in no time. Surely, they could just amputate the front paw and seal up her wounds on the other leg. She stared at me and rested her head on forearm as I continued to stroke her. I had never pet a deer before and had no idea what to expect, but it really felt like I was petting one of my dogs. It was a really moving moment to connect so closely with this wild animal.

As we pulled into the animal hospital, Jim ran inside to get help while I stayed with the fawn. She was surprisingly calm, and didn't appear to be in pain, but we wanted to make sure she received treatment soon. After a few minutes, a stream of hospital workers ran over to peer into the car to see the fawn and I. There was some confusion as to whom should be responsible for the animal as the local animal control was closed and the hospital wasn't used to treating deer. We pushed to get her at least some pain medication and to see the vet on duty, so Jim and Patrick brought the fawn inside and put her on an operating table.

The vet came over and examined her quickly. She explained that there was nothing we could do and the most humane thing was to euthanize her. I was devastated and started to cry incontrollably. How could that be? I asked. I had seen plenty of 3 legged animals -- surely she could be saved? The vet explained that this was a wild animal and would need surgery, rehabilitation and it's not something we could easily offer. I disagreed, frantically volunteering our backyard, though crushed knowing deep down the vet was probably right. Within a few minutes, the vet gave the fawn an injection as I continued to rub her neck, looking into her eyes and telling her it was going to be ok. She died peacefully within a few seconds.

I sobbed uncontrollably as we left the animal hospital. I felt so badly for this helpless animal, but I think I was also emotional as this experience reminded me so much of my mom. Here was someone else helpless, alone and way too young, with a great possibility for recovery. This was not the ending I wanted, nor expected. I couldn't save either of them.

I couldn't sleep last night. I awoke with a nightmare that I was holding the fawn's hoof and laid awake cuddling with Duke and Chobe in bed, and Cheerio to my side. I am hopeful the deer, which I'll remember as "Alpine" as we found her on Alpine Road, is in a better place. And I'm hopeful my mom is in that better place, too, maybe even with Alpine.